Living the God-Man Family Life
Messages for the Perfecting of Parents — "Home" Series
Message Three
I. The Blueprint of the God-Man Family Life
1. A life filled in spirit — Eph. 5:18–21
Eph. 5:18 — And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissoluteness, but be filled in spirit, Eph. 5:19 — Speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and psalming with your heart to the Lord, Eph. 5:20 — Giving thanks at all times for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to our God and Father, Eph. 5:21 — Being subject to one another in the fear of Christ:
I think we are all quite familiar with this passage; whenever we speak of the church life, we cite these verses. They tell us that in the church life we ought constantly to use psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, speaking to one another and supplying one another. But have you considered: what does Scripture mean here by "one another"? Look at verse 21: "Being subject to one another in the fear of Christ:" — there is a colon. That colon is the pivot. It means that what follows is precisely the proper relationship we ought to have.
Who is to be subject to one another? First, between wife and husband; second, between children and parents; third, between slaves and masters. From of old, all of these have spoken of family life. Brothers and sisters, have you considered: when Paul describes this exalted church life — speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs — he does not limit it to the great congregation or the Lord's Day. The husband and wife ought to be able to speak and sing back-and-forth; the parents and children ought to be able to enjoy the Lord with one another; even the master and the servant — though the servant occupies a servant's position — ought still to live within the relationship of Christ. This is the church life.
Remember — where is the church life lived out? It is lived between husband and wife, between parents and children, even between masters and servants. If these three relationships are well established, the church life we enjoy will be the most joyful church life.
2. A life soaked through with the Lord's word — Deut. 6:6–9, Col. 3:16–17
Deut. 6:6 — And these words, which I command you today, shall be upon your heart; Deut. 6:7 — And you shall repeat them to your children, and speak about them when you sit in your house and when you journey on the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up; Deut. 6:8 — And you shall bind them on your hand as a sign, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes; Deut. 6:9 — And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Col. 3:16 — Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to God. Col. 3:17 — And whatever you do in word or in deed, do all things in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
These verses then go on to speak of Christ's expression in human ethical relationships. Whether the life filled in spirit, or the life soaked through with the Lord's word — out of what are they lived? Out of our daily ethical living — husband-and-wife, parents-and-children, master-and-servant.
3. A miniature of the church life — John 12:1–3 with footnote 1 on John 12:1
John 12:1 — Then Jesus, six days before the Passover, came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. John 12:2 — Therefore they made Him a supper there; and Martha served, but Lazarus was one of the ones reclining at table with Him. John 12:3 — Then Mary took a pound of ointment, of very valuable pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped His feet with her hair; and the house was filled with the fragrance of the ointment.
John 12:1, footnote 1 (RcV, on "Bethany") — Bethany means house of affliction. At this point the Lord was outside Judaism. Through His resurrection life He had gained a house in Bethany where He could feast and have rest and satisfaction. This house of feasting was a miniature of the church life and depicted the situation of the church: (1) produced by the resurrection life — Lazarus (11:43–44); (2) composed of cleansed sinners — Simon the leper (Mark 14:3); (3) outwardly afflicted — Bethany; (4) inwardly feasting in and with the presence of the Lord (v. 2); (5) having more sisters than brothers (vv. 2–3); (6) having members with different functions: serving — Martha, testifying — Lazarus, and loving — Mary (vv. 2–3); (7) spotted by the false one — Judas (v. 4); (8) persecuted by religion (v. 10); (9) being a test and exposing people (vv. 6, 10); and (10) bringing in many believers (v. 11).
Let us look back at these passages: we have just read Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, and John 12 — all of them speaking of the church life. But the church life is not something carried out only in our weekly gathering. The real church life is always built up out of your home, out of your daily ethical relationships.
If our home cannot enjoy the Lord — if we have to come to the church meeting to enjoy Him; if our home cannot sing to one another — if we have to come to the meeting hall to be able to sing — then the hymns can never become the supply of our daily life; they can only be an enjoyment in the large meetings. Thank the Lord! Scripture shows us that the church life all begins out of our daily ethical living — out of the building up between husband and wife, the blending of parents and children, the life-relationship between masters and servants — that is what speaks of the church life.
(i) The God-man family life is a life filled in spirit
Ephesians 5 says of the church life that — whether husband and wife, whether parents and children, whether master and servant — no one is to be drunk. The husband must not be drunk in male-chauvinism; parents must not be drunk in the notion that "no parents under heaven are ever in the wrong."
Brother Nee said: "The Chinese say there are no parents in the wrong; but I say there are no parents who are not in the wrong." I admit it; and so I have constantly practised, hoping to deal with my children in life. But I am also a fallen man, and at times I have practised too strong a dealing. Through the years, when I think back on these things, I still feel I have come short — at times I dealt with the children too severely. Though I confessed it, though I adjusted, though I slowly learned to deal with them in spirit, some wounds may not be so easily smoothed away. The children may not remember clearly any more; but the Lord, within me, will not let me forget.
If we are to have a healthy church life, the household must constantly have psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, speaking to one another. Psalms are long praises; hymns are medium-length; spiritual songs are short. I might say to my sister-wife: "Sister, our Christ is the One on high, the eternally praised God." That is a hymn — neither long nor short. At another time I might give her a small testimony, fellowship a little, share my enjoyment in the Lord's recovery. That is a psalm — long-form. At yet other times we practise singing brief praises back-and-forth to the Lord. Sometimes in the meetings of the church we exercise to sing antiphonally — do we? Honestly: with other saints we feel quite at ease — only with our own wife are we shy of singing. Yet the church life opens at exactly that point.
When my sister-wife and I began our fellowship, I was an absolute country bumpkin; I knew nothing of how to court a girl. But because the church elders fellowshipped to bring us together, off we went. I forget how often we met — just that we always had fellowship. We would sit under a great tree at the school, wondering what to do. My sister loved the Lord more than I did; she would teach the children that in the future they should go to Africa to spread the testimony. When she fellowshipped with me, she had already made up her mind: "In the future we shall go out to spread." Where do you think the first stop was? — You'll never guess. Saudi Arabia. She was already prepared to go for martyrdom.
So we said: "Good — every time we meet, let's read John 14 to 17 together; these four chapters are the most important." So at every meeting we sat down and started reading. That was good — though for those who are courting now, I find this advice already a little late. In any case — we would simply read; we would just open our eyes and pray-read aloud together — you amen me, I amen you. By the time the pray-reading was finished and our eyes opened to share, I'd find it was not so easy! Since we had not yet built up the habit, when we got to pray-read it was easier just to share. But if you are still in the habit of natural-romantic sweetness — the two of you looking at each other saying "Jesus is so lovely" — sometimes the goose-bumps come up; that really offends the Lord. To read of how lovely the Lord Jesus is, and have goose-bumps jump on you — really is offensive to Him. But because the two of us had begun pray-reading together and then sharing, we just spent our courtship that way. I'd say: "Forget it — let's just be a god-and-goddess couple! We can't seem to learn the natural way." I really do urge the young saints today: in courtship, the more spiritual the better.
I came later to see — anyone can fall in love; God created it that way. So though we have been "in love" for many years, even now we still are; there's no such thing as "marriage is the graveyard of love." This kind of love doesn't have to be learned. Flowers and so on — none of it has to be learned; especially not for an awkward bumpkin like me, who couldn't manage any of it. I said, "Sure!" — and just stood by, letting her pay for it herself, buy it herself, spray it herself — while I waited beside her. Such a brother is a strange one! No matter — even a country bumpkin can marry the best wife in the world. Whether or not I'm a bumpkin, the Lord Jesus has made for us a unique cake that no one else gets to taste. Even though I'm awkward outside, when we pray-read together, the two of us have very deep communication. At the end we'd talk a little of my home situation, or of what was going on in the brothers' or the sisters' household. (At that time I served the brothers' house, she the sisters'.)
This actually has kept us: over many years of family life, whenever we touch Christ, we never feel awkward. On the contrary, talking about Christ is the most natural thing for us. Whenever there is a chance, we fellowship — what I have been touched by, what she is sensing; I am also concerned for the brothers and sisters; the fellowship turns into prayer; the two of us are filled in spirit. My exercise may not always be the best, but we earnestly encourage one another. The couple together must be filled in spirit; this kind of life expands out into the entire church life.
(ii) The God-man family life is a life soaked through with the Lord's word
Whether the Deuteronomy 6 passage we mentioned earlier, or the Colossians 3 passage here — both tell us that, whether in our church life or in our husband-and-wife life, we ought constantly to let the word of Christ dwell richly in us, between us. How does the word of Christ dwell in us? — through psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. That is, our cherishing of the Scripture, of the Lord's word, becomes our psalms, our hymns, our spiritual songs — overflowing out of our family life. Can the couple, together, pray over the Scripture? Can they speak the Lord's word back-and-forth? Can they teach one another with the words of the Bible? — Not with the words of Confucius, not with the words of the patriarchs: "Don't act this way…you must act that way…" — that is the Chinese way of teaching. Never take teaching to mean "You should be this way…you should be that way." The real biblical kind of teaching is: I speak out my cherishing of the Lord's word; and to you, that becomes teaching.
(iii) The God-man family life is a miniature of the church life
In John 12 we see, in Bethany, two families. One is the household of Simon the leper — a household that delighted in receiving the Lord Jesus and in the love-feast — and that is where the sweet story of the church life began, brought forth simply because your household invites the saints to a feast. The other was the household where the parents were absent — only Martha, Mary, and Lazarus remained; I believe they were guests there, accompanying the Lord. Because Simon invited the Lord Jesus into his home, and they too lived in Bethany, naturally they came to accompany Him. And how sweet that accompanying was! Every member exercised his function. At the supper in that house: Martha served, Mary anointed with the ointment, Lazarus sat there as a living testimony of resurrection.
Brothers and sisters, this is the church life. Where does the all-member service begin? — In your home. When you open up your house for a meeting: Father prophesies, Mother testifies, the son sends out invitations, the daughter prepares the slippers. Don't say, "Forget the children — we two parents are enough!" And don't say, "Actually — not even the two of us; I, the husband, will handle it all by myself!" No. Let the whole household exercise its function — and that is the sweet church life. Brothers and sisters, with this picture before you, will you not live the God-man family life? — for this is the church life. When you live the God-man family life this way, the church you are in will, because of your home, overflow with more and more homes living the God-man family life. As such homes draw closer to one another, they become the church.
How shall our home live the God-man family life?
- First, being filled in spirit between one another. — to pray-read with one another, to praise with one another, to sing antiphonally with one another, to speak with one another. To overflow Christ in spirit, to overflow our praise.
- Second, the whole family being soaked through with the word of the Lord. — Our centre is not the words of the world. The relationship between us is built upon the Lord's word: through teaching one another, admonishing one another, with hearts moved by His grace, singing to God. To "let dwell in" — what does that mean? Not merely to "stay in" — but to dwell in. The word of Christ is the living person of Christ Himself. I would never say, "The refrigerator dwells in my house." I would say, "The refrigerator is placed in my house." When we say of someone that he dwells in our house, it must be a living person. Truly — even of a corpse we cannot say "he dwells in my house"; only "the coffin is placed in my house." So this "dwell" means: the Lord's word becomes a living person in our midst — within us, between us — to be our administration, our inward Master; the word of the Lord becomes the Lord of our household, governing and ruling and operating in our family life.
- Third, our family life becoming a miniature of the church life — with the whole household serving, all together loving the Lord. If our home is like this, then we offer to the brothers and sisters "the practice items for the God-man family life" as a reference. I will go through them point by point, hoping that in the years to come your whole family will likewise try to practise this kind of life. We have already heard many testimonies — because of this practice in the home, progress comes quickly, the household becomes harmonious, and the church too is blessed through such homes.
II. The Practice Items of the God-Man Family Life
What follows is reference times, practice items, and implementation details.
| Time | Item | Sub-points |
|---|---|---|
| 06:20 | 1. Waking the children | (1) The parent calls on the Lord's name first, then wakes the child. (2) The parent wakes the child in a gentle spirit. |
| 06:30 | 2. Morning revival | (1) Pray-read one verse of Scripture (the whole family opening their mouths). (2) Is there an overflow of joy? |
| (before each meal) | 3. Pray-reading before each of the three meals | (1) Chew the morning-revival verse (the whole family opening their mouths); is the spirit being exercised, with brief prayer, with joy? (2) Does the parent practise speaking one appetiser-word before the meal? (3) Is the meal filled with an atmosphere of joy and gladness? |
| 20:30–21:00 | 4. Accompanying homework (write the "Little Lamb Diary"; play "news reporter"; do "heavenly interviews") | (1) After homework is finished, the parent sets aside a fixed period to answer the child's questions. (2) The parent helps the child to plan daily homework-and-rest periods. (3) The parent signs the child's contact book and checks the quality of the work. |
| 21:00 | 5. Home meeting | (1) The parent talks with the child about the day's stories — comforting, encouraging, cherishing, resolving doubts. (2) The parent tells one Bible story each day (about ten minutes). (3) Parent and child together — for today — praise, give thanks, commit, and intercede. |
| 22:00 | 6. Service-fellowship (between the parents) | (1) The parents pray for the children — blessing, thanksgiving, praise, request. (2) The parents fellowship together about the child's performance, and propose a direction for instruction and management. (3) The parents together raise up matters and record the child's deeds, keeping the file. (4) The parents seek the Urim and Thummim for the child. |
| as occasion arises in daily life | 7. Disciplining the children | (1) The parent first prays together with the child. (2) The parent does not discipline in anger. |
We provide two reference worksheets to support the practice — the Child's God-Man Living Practice Sheet and the Parent's God-Man Living Practice Sheet. Each is a weekly grid: rows are the daily practice items (politeness, diligence, hospitality, the children's meeting, enjoying the Lord, evening prayer, reading, keeping a regular schedule, tidying up, cleanliness, etc., for the child; and the seven points above for the parent), columns are the days of the week (Sun–Sat). At the bottom is a space for the parent's signature and a total. Before using the sheet, fellowship first with the child; for the building up of good living habits, additional items may be added each week, and any visible progress in the total score should be rewarded.
1. Waking the children
What time does the God-man family rise? — Six o'clock. You say, "Why so strict?" Strictly, this isn't a rule — but one who loves the Lord always comes near to Him before daybreak. That is the standard. I do not know whether the ancients had clocks; but what they called "rising at dawn to draw near to the Lord" was always before daybreak. The Lord Jesus also drew near to the Father early in the morning. Their schedule was the same — just before the sun came up; once the sun rises, the noise of men begins, and the whole hubbub of the world starts churning again. May we — while the night-shadows still linger and the morning light has not yet broken — come afresh before our gracious Lord.
For this we should not stay up too late at night. Of course there are many things in our home that demand our attention, and occasionally we cannot help being a little late; but in any case, please remember to remind one another. The mark of this fallen world is that men sleep later and later. Whatever city it is whose night never sleeps — that has become today's Sodom. In Taiwan there are still some townships where, by nine in the evening, you can see nobody on the streets. Even they are fallen, but compared to the cities, Taichung is relatively a little better. Taichung Dali is fallen — currently the place with the highest crime rate in all Taiwan. To walk in its streets is genuinely fearful — everywhere are dens of fornication and lust, just like Sodom; we very much need the Lord's mercy.
We also need to help our children not to drag things out late at night. What do you suppose the children do at night? — mostly playing video games or surfing the internet. Don't be too quick to believe that playing these things at night will produce the Lord's grace. Night-time is the time when the lusts are stirred up. Of course we have not gone near these things; but from any newspaper or report, you'll see — nothing good happens at night. We feel the Lord must keep our children, and we must ask the Lord to keep ourselves. Sometimes the children won't go to sleep early simply because we won't go to sleep early. We must go to bed earlier in order to rise earlier. Rising early really is too important — rising early is healthy and gives you Christ. Rising late, you scramble to get to work; there is no time for a proper calling on the Lord's name. If even calling on the Lord has no time, where will pray-reading fit in?
The emphasis here is on between us, so the individual side is not said much. We rise at 6:20 a.m. for the wake-up — of course your household may set a later time, depending on you; in our home the practice is 6:20. Waking is very important: the parent must first call on the Lord's name, return to the spirit, and only then approach the child's bed. Tomorrow morning we must be living in the spirit — properly calling on the Lord's name, and best of all pray-reading one verse of Scripture — and only then sit down at the child's bed. At minimum, in the two days of this training: waking is no jerking-off-the-blankets, no yelling "BAH!" at them, no spraying water on them, no abuse of any kind — only the supply of the divine word and a warm touch.
How then do you wake them? Not difficult — you can call: "Oh! Lord Jesus, we love You. Lord Jesus, [child's name] loves You." When she is still rolling back and forth in bed, you say: "Lord Jesus, [child's name] is an overcomer — time to get up!" As she still rolls, slowly draw her up — never yank her — this is the first lesson of the God-man family life. You may give her a verse of Scripture, sing her a hymn, or speak a blessing over her.
2. Morning revival
At 6:30 a.m. we accompany the child in morning revival; pray-reading just one verse of Scripture is enough. What is important is this: the earlier we parents bring our children to exercise their spirit, the better. Don't let your child become a mute, a person who cannot use his spirit. To listen all day with the ears is not enough; we must let our children, from their childhood, learn to use their spirit — and this requires the parent to take them through it. So the most important thing in pray-reading with a child is: you must teach him to "use the spirit." You ask, "How do I teach him to use the spirit?" — Teaching him to use the spirit is teaching him to be earnest, to put forth strength, and to be brief.
- First — to be earnest. Earnestness means to use the spirit. Do not just absent-mindedly chant, "Oh-h, Lord Jesus…" — that loses all reverence. Calling on the Lord's name must be earnest. There are times to be playful — but at this time, no horsing around. Call on Him earnestly.
- Second — to put forth strength. If you cannot yet use your spirit, then a louder voice is itself "putting forth strength." If you can use your spirit, the voice may be quieter — but you exert from within the spirit. One way or another, put forth strength.
- Third — to be brief. When you pray-read with the child, never let it run long. Be brief — each pray-reading utterance must be short. When pray-reading the Scripture with him, do not be too long; pick a sentence or two — that is enough. When parents accompany a child in prayer, sometimes we get the kind of flowery pray-reading: "Oh, Lord, we thank You; we praise You; You are the One who created the universe, the heavens, the earth, the seas, and everything in them. Oh, Lord, You are the eternal economy, You who must pass through process for our sake…" Is that bad? It is fine — but you must break it into segments. I am not saying any of this is wrong; I am saying it must be in segments.
You can begin with "copy-line" pray-reading; remember, every time keep it brief. For example: you pray "Lord Jesus," and he follows, "Lord Jesus." You pray "We love You," and he follows, "We love You." Each utterance — no more than five or six words. Be concise — and at the same time take the child deep into prayer. For example, if you wish to pray-read "Lord Jesus, dwell in me, become my joy," first let him pray "Lord Jesus." Then you pray "dwell in me," and he follows "dwell in me." Last, you pray "become my joy," and he follows "become my joy."
After a few days, he no longer needs to "copy-line." Then you say: "Daddy will pray-read; you say Amen; after Amen, you also pray-read one line." And how does he pray-read? — Just teach him. It's actually very simple. To teach him: "Suppose you wish to pray-read 'Christ Jesus came into the world' — just put 'Lord Jesus, thank You' in front, and that's it! That's pray-reading!" Each time, use this formula. If he wants to pick up "God so loved the world" and pray-read it, he can say, "Lord Jesus, thank You — God so loved the world; amen, God so loved the world." This kind of pray-reading is short, distilled, and strong.
Then you must also have a sense of your own temper. Parents accompanying a child in pray-reading frequently fall into one snare: they pray-read with one breath, and lose their temper with the next. You sense the child is not using his spirit; you scold him; and as you scold you say, "Watch me pray-read!" — and you yourself begin pray-reading in anger. And the child? He looks: "What's wrong with daddy? — that's how he pray-reads!" The child knows. Why does the child behave when you are singing hymns or in the home meeting? — Because the child reads your face. Look at how the child shrinks back from you these days — because every day your face writes the four words "I am not happy"; so everyone else just gives you a wide berth. I implore you: don't lose your temper with him. He has angered you — fine; you may rebuke him, you may discipline him; but don't kindle his wrath, and don't smother his aspiration to love the Lord. When it is all over, confess your fault to the child; once you have confessed, say, "Now then — let us all enjoy in the spirit together!" Whatever you do, do not leave the child with the impression that pray-reading needs a whip, that pray-reading is bitter-sweet.
Don't worry — the earlier you take a child through this practice, the more obedient he is. Children are more obedient than we are. Even when writing a petition: a grown-up says "Yes, yes, yes — fine, write it," but drags it on; the child says "Oh, I don't want to write…" — and yet, in no time, he has written it. So don't put too much stock in the child's reaction at that very moment; you must in patience continue to take him through it. At minimum, while you accompany the child in pray-reading, be joyful in your own pray-reading — and the child will know: pray-reading is a joyful thing.
3. Pray-reading before each meal
Before each of the three daily meals, we ought to pray. In any case, for the sake of the food we ought to give thanks to God. Scripture tells us: of the food we eat, we should receive it with thanksgiving, that the food we eat may be sanctified, may nourish us, that we may be useful for the Lord's economy.
But on the other side: from of old we have prayed before meals, and every prayer becomes a set form. So I am cautious: if it goes on like this, will the child… ? If at every meal we say, "Lord Jesus, thank You; this food has all been given by You; please separate it as holy and add Your blessing; in the name of the Lord Jesus, Amen," — over time the child knows: "Every time it starts the same way: 'Lord Jesus, thank You; this food…'" — he picks it up and runs through it like a starter's pistol: "…this food has been given by You, please separate it as holy and add blessing, give it to us, in the name of the Lord Jesus, Amen," — and the moment it's done, the chopsticks dive in. I have turned their pray-reading into a fixed routine, and the joy is gone.
That sort of prayer is not wrong; but the Lord has not required us to make any one form of prayer the daily ration. Not every meal needs to begin with the same prayer; we must learn to be in spirit. How then? — We are afraid the child will turn into an old fritter. That is precisely why for ten and more years we have led our children in pray-reading before meals. Pray-reading is the best prayer; pray-reading is the prayer most in spirit; pray-reading is the prayer least bound by routine. Why? Because every day the Lord's word is different.
This kind of pray-reading not only helps us use our spirit every day; there is another benefit — it stores up the Lord's word in us. If you wish to store up the Lord's word, the way to obtain it is pray-reading. Over the long run, we have brought the children with us in pray-reading; now we look back, and it has been useful. On the one hand, they have stored up many of the Lord's words; on the other, from childhood they have practised prayer, practised pray-reading, practised enjoying the Lord's word.
However, with pre-meal pray-reading there is one important matter: do not "abuse" the children. What is "abusing" them? — Sitting them down before a tableful of delicious food, then pray-reading a full ten minutes! If you do this, the child really does suffer. You know the trait of children: the moment they sit at the table, before they have even properly sat down, the moment they see a good dish, they don't even need to pick up the chopsticks. In our home we are always managing one thing at the table — "But Daddy! God created…!" (then they pinch with thumb and forefinger) "That's two chopsticks already!" — that's why India eats with two fingers to this day.
Our child has, from infancy, enjoyed life along the principles of God's creation; he can use these "two chopsticks" — sometimes even three! The moment he sees a tasty dish, the reaction kicks in; we say, "Wait! We have not yet prayed!" — and he pulls back. You can imagine how it pains him: he sees the good dish, hears "not yet prayed," and pulls back. So what do we do? Make a quick fight of it — but not a perfunctory one. "Quick" only means brief in time. My sister-wife says, "Let's pray-sing one stanza." In fact, every meal we sing only one stanza. You cannot sing from stanza one through stanza eight and then pray-read from the top — that meal we may as well not eat. So in fact we sing only one stanza, then a little pray-reading, with no fancy sub-divisions. About five minutes is enough.
We do encourage this — but it is not a law. Pre-meal prayer must avoid both the old set form and empty prayer. For at the dining table you must pray; at times you simply don't know what to pray; why not bring the child into a small enjoyment of the Lord's word? It is even good to pray-read once again the same verse from this morning's revival — let him have a little review.
Brother Lee teaches us parents that we should exercise to speak one appetiser-word before the meal. In other words: don't scold the child while you eat. Scold him at meal-time, and the digestion suffers. Scold him another time, instruct him another time — that is another matter — but at meal-time, scolding upsets the stomach. So instead, sometimes you can speak about the joys of the church life. I myself sometimes share testimonies from overseas — anything to make the child glad. (My own practice, admittedly, is not great.) But in principle, Brother Lee's teaching is: as you eat, speak one appetiser-word; let the child be glad. Yes? Can we not scold the child at meal-time? — That isn't easy: this is the only time you have to settle the books with the child, and you can put the case before the judgment seat — that is, before the husband. So Daddy, when he gets home, must vindicate Mommy and judge the children. But please — not at meal-time. Meal-time should still be filled with the atmosphere of joy and gladness.
4. Accompanying homework
The fourth point is accompanying homework. We may not have a chance to practise this in these two days, but I'd like to speak briefly on it. In our home, from the time the child began school, for many years we have practised "accompanying homework."
- First, "Build the habit that the very first thing on coming home is doing homework." When the child comes home from school, before he plays, before he does anything else, he must first finish all his homework — anything else is off the table. As long as the homework is not done, nothing else is on the table; you cannot put everything you want to play with first. Home: open the fridge, eat a snack — first thing, sit down and do the homework. This habit needs us to help the child build it; otherwise children, by their nature, want to play, and once they start they keep going. Then, when it's homework time, he says, "Oh — too late!" Actually, very little of what teachers assign is genuinely impossible to finish; it is all within scope. Few teachers deliberately torment a child by setting impossible work. So most of the time, the reason is that our children have not yet developed this habit.
- Second, "Homework is the child's portion." When you look at a child in his early years, what is his portion? — Love the Lord, and study well. In study: be solemn, be earnest, be undistracted, depend on the Lord; and actively think, actively seek the answer.
Our child is small; he studies well; the moment he hits anything he doesn't get, he just yells, "Mom!" — and my sister-wife is so good that, the moment the child cries out, wherever she is, she shows up. The child asks, "Mom, how do I write this? Mom, how about this?" I finally said, "No more." We agreed with the child: all your questions have a fixed time slot. It might be 9:30, when Mommy comes back from her gathering; or some other time. Before that time, you must work it out yourself; think; see if you can get it. I'll certainly answer you afterwards — but I can't have you stopping cold the moment you don't understand; you'd lose the disposition for research itself.
So in our house, the times are set: before this hour, you think it through yourself; after this hour, you may ask questions. The first benefit is that the child practises active reading and active thinking. The second benefit is that the parents can also have a normal church life.
We do not particularly encourage parents who, from afternoon onward, sit beside the child the entire time, watching them read. That kind of accompanying makes the child passive: the moment you step away, he goes loose; he stops reading. Better to help him build the habit of active reading, and check the homework afterwards. From a young age, cultivate in the child the habit of active study. And at the same time, help the child to begin each study session with two or three (or three to five) sentences of prayer, committing the matter of study to the Lord.
5. Home meeting
The fifth point: the home meeting. We hope that during the week, on several evenings, the parent will spend time with the child in a home meeting. This is an extremely important link of the God-man family life. Mornings — even the morning revival — are usually rushed; only at night, with the homework done and bedtime approaching, is there room for a little prayer and enjoyment with the child to close the day. Whether thanksgiving, or the resolution of doubts — the half-hour here is where it gets resolved.
- First — "The parent talks with the child about today's stories: comforting, encouraging, cherishing, and resolving doubts." As the saying goes: "A teacher is one who passes on the way, gives instruction, and resolves doubts" — and here, that is the resolving of doubts.
- Second — "The parent tells one Bible story each day." Thank the Lord — for these two evenings (tonight and tomorrow night), you decide between yourselves: one night is Mommy's, one night Daddy's. Daddy must tell the story; and we'll tell Mommy: cover for Daddy. Because Daddy doesn't usually tell stories; the moment the child hears that tonight is Daddy's storytelling night, he says, "I don't want to listen — Daddy's stories aren't fun." At that point Mommy steps in: "Your Daddy tells the best stories — Mommy's been listening for decades — Mommy loves Daddy's stories most of all!" Of course, you don't have to copy me exactly; but you must cover for Daddy, so Daddy can save face and tell his story; and Mommy must listen with eyes wide and full attention, and finally clap, so the child knows: Daddy tells the best stories! Who would dare say otherwise?
- Third — "Parent and child together — for today — praise, give thanks, commit, and intercede." Altogether this comes to about thirty minutes. As a principle: about ten minutes of conversation, encouraging him with regard to what happened today; the next ten minutes, the parent tells a story (sometimes fifteen); the last five minutes — pray together, returning all thanksgiving to the Lord. Let the child build a life of thanksgiving.
For each home meeting we provide a reference worksheet, the Sweet Home-Meeting Record: header for the district, sub-district, parent's name and date; three open boxes for (1) cherishing points, (2) series-shepherding, and (3) prayer of blessing.
6. Service-fellowship between the parents
The sixth point is the service-fellowship between husband and wife. After the children are in bed, the parents should have a service meeting once or twice a week. This is a topic we will treat in fuller detail later, but since you will be practising it this very evening, let me sketch it briefly.
- First — "The parents pray for the children: blessing, thanksgiving, praise, request." The parents pray for the children, bless them, give thanks for them, praise concerning them, and make request for them.
- Second — "The parents fellowship together about the child's performance today, and propose directions for instruction and management." Please turn to the next page — there is a sheet called "Parent's Service Record," with three sections: (1) items of fellowship, (2) service record, and (3) Urim and Thummim. This is what we will be doing tonight; once your fellowship is finished, fill it in, hand it in, and I will review them through the night, or tomorrow morning — page by page, marking and amending — then return them to you for adjustment; tomorrow, you fill it in again. After this, you will know how to gather your parental service-fellowship.
- Third — "The parents together raise up matters and record the child's deeds; keep the file." The parents fellowship together, and together raise up matters concerning the child, keeping the record.
- Fourth — "The parents seek the Urim and Thummim for the child." Not only is the child's record kept, but a direction for managing him, a direction for leading him, must also be sought. So the parents need to seek the leading of the Urim and Thummim for the child. Urim and Thummim is an Old Testament expression — it means seeking the Lord: seeking the Lord concerning the children, asking how He would have us lead them.
Yes? Then let us couples have a brief prayer together. If you are alone, find a partner nearby; together, let us re-consecrate our home to the Lord, asking that hereafter we may live this God-man family life. May the Lord gain your home; may your home be built up.
III. Parents need to be persons of normal morning revival and evening prayer — Prov. 31:10, 15; Job 1:5; Lam. 2:19; 3:23–24
Prov. 31:10 — Who can find a worthy woman? For her price is far above jewels. Prov. 31:15 — She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household, And their task to her serving girls. Job 1:5 — And when the days of feasting ran their course, Job would send word and sanctify them; and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all; for Job said, Perhaps my children have sinned and have cursed God in their heart. Job did this continually. Lam. 2:19 — Arise, cry out in the night At the beginning of the watches; Pour out your heart like water Before the face of the Lord; Lift up your hands toward Him For the life of your little ones, Who faint because of famine At the head of every street. Lam. 3:23 — They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. Lam. 3:24 — Jehovah is my portion, says my soul; Therefore I hope in Him.
1. Each early morning, rise to enjoy the all-inclusive Christ as our portion, that we may have heavenly food to share with our children.
2. Each day, offer ourselves and our children afresh to the Lord; every day is a new beginning, and this beginning is a beautiful beginning.
3. By calling on the Lord's name, and by meditating on the verses pray-read in the morning revival, practise a constant connection to the source of supply.
4. At the end of the day, read a little literature or one chapter of the Scripture; then sing hymns with the children and pray with them — closing this beautiful day.
IV. Several Concrete Practices
1. First, tell the children how vital morning revival and evening prayer are to our spiritual life — bearing on whether we shall be overcomers.
2. Set the times of morning revival and evening prayer with the children — measured according to their measure of life — and pray about it; ask the Lord to keep us firm and steady.
3. Place a small whiteboard near the dining table, and write up the Lord's word; before breakfast, first enjoy the Lord's word — one sentence each day; day by day, a rich harvest is sure to come.
4. Best of all, prepare for the children their own Bibles and hymnbooks, that they too may go on according to the schedule.
5. Morning revival's centre is the reviving of the spirit and the supply and nourishment of life; it does not need too much explanation or teaching.
6. Evening prayer's centre is a beautiful ending of the day: whatever we owe the Lord or owe man, let us deal with it in the evening prayer, that we may end the day given by God in calm assurance; before the dealing, still — first enjoy the Lord.
The God-man family life is, after all, a life filled in spirit, soaked through with the Lord's word, and a miniature of the church life. May the Lord gain every household — that this kind of family life may overflow from our home into the church, and out of the church to many more homes. Amen!
— End of Message Three —