How to Bring Up Our Children in the Lord
Messages for the Perfecting of Parents — "Shepherding Children" Series
Message Three
I. Recognizing God's Heart's Desire and the Enemy's Schemes
1. God's heart's desire is that all parents who have received grace would bring up godly seed — Mal. 2:15; Mal. 2:15, footnote 1.
Mal. 2:15 — But did He not make them one? And the remnant of the Spirit was His. And why the one? He sought the seed of God. Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one be treacherous to the wife of his youth.
Mal. 2:15, footnote 1 (RcV) — In marriage God makes husband and wife one, in order to produce a "seed of God," that is, godly children.
This passage in Malachi 2:15 we very seldom use; yet it is most sweet. Here it says that, though God had the residue of the Spirit with which He could have made many, He made just one. Why only one? Because He sought the seed of God. Today men can clone sheep, and would even clone men — but that is not what God desires. If one day men do clone men, that is the day of the end — God will surely stretch out His hand to execute severe judgment. God wants men to be propagated generation by generation, and one by one. There are also twins, triplets, quadruplets, quintuplets, sextuplets — but these are the exceptions; most are born one at a time. And God wants men not only to bear children, but to bring them up, that they may all become a godly seed.
So we are not only those who bear children — we also rely on the Lord's grace to bring up our children, that they may truly be the godly seed. If the children we have raised become the dregs of society — like those criminals these past days, some shot dead, some by suicide, whose own family dare not even claim the body — that is not only the criminal's own shame, but the shame of his family for generations. We cannot let our children turn out this way. We truly must look up to the Lord's compassion: "Lord, make our children to be of the godly seed." This is the very purpose of God's creation of man.
2. God's heart's desire is that all children, while still small, would be cultivated to be vessels of a proper humanity, to contain His riches and to manifest His glory — Rom. 9:23–24.
Rom. 9:23 — In order that He might make known the riches of His glory upon vessels of mercy, which He had before prepared unto glory,
Rom. 9:24 — Even us, whom He has also called, not only from among the Jews but also from among the Gentiles?
This says that God's heart's desire is that all our children, while still small, may be cultivated to be vessels of a proper humanity, to contain His glory. God desires not only that men have a godly seed; He desires that the children themselves also long to become proper vessels, vessels of honor, that may contain this God. So the very purpose of man's creation is the glory of God. The children of the world we cannot manage; but for the children in the household of God, we must beg compassion that they would become a godly seed, vessels of a proper humanity, vessels of honor in the household of God. The vessel that holds something precious is itself precious; the vessel that holds something common is itself common. A teacup of stainless steel is not very precious — it is rather ordinary; but a box made for holding a diamond looks more honorable. And we — created to hold God Himself — are far more precious than any vessel that holds mere learning.
For the sake of our children's schooling, even to keep them away from a bad school, we will move heaven and earth to relocate to a good school district, hoping they will not be defiled, will not pick up the bad habits of bad students. Yet if we are this careful for the environment of their education, how much more careful must we be for the spiritual prospects of our children — how much more must we have a vigilant prayer before the Lord; and truly we must plead for the Lord's blessing, that our children would all become a godly seed, all become vessels of a proper humanity.
3. For this, the Triune God, through process after process, ultimately consummated as the all-inclusive, life-giving Spirit, dispenses Himself into His chosen ones, that through regeneration, renewing, sanctification, and transformation, they may be conformed to the image of God's firstborn Son.
4. God's eternal economy is to obtain a universal incorporation of the divine and human natures coalesced together — the ultimate consummation of which is the New Jerusalem; and the New Jerusalem is also the high peak of our living and our work. So whatever we say, whatever we do, we take the New Jerusalem as our singular, ultimate, incomparable goal.
We are not only to cultivate a godly seed; we are also to make our children into vessels of a proper humanity. There is yet another point: that they would be conformed to the image of the Son of God — and the high peak of our living and our work, that is the New Jerusalem. There are two kinds of conformation in this generation: on the one hand, conformation to this generation; on the other hand, conformation to the image of God's Son. May our children receive the Lord's compassion, that they would not be conformed to this generation, but from a young age be conformed to the image of God's Son.
But this conformation to the image of God's Son is not something innate; it requires of us much watchfulness, much prayer — otherwise our children, in their own disposition, will end up just like those who do not yet believe in the Lord. For all of us are of the race of Adam, and they too will become wild children. The children who come to the household of God are not all good children; they will fight, they will break glass — they may even start their own gangs. Truly! We deeply need to look up to the Lord's compassion, that they would be conformed to the image of God's Son, that they would live out the pattern of the New Jerusalem and reach the goal of God. To attain this goal, every parent today must be more vigilant than the parents of any previous generation, for the enemy's chief assault is upon our children. So we must be vigilant for our children at every moment, as Job, day by day, watched in prayer for his children.
5. However, God's enemy Satan has used every kind of scheme to obstruct this goal. Ever since Adam's fall, Satan has been creating troubles in every household — first, husband and wife at variance; then, children at enmity; then, kin tearing kin; and at last, the household broken apart.
In the present age, the enemy has redoubled his work, that sin and evil might overflow all the more. So we must be all the more vigilant — learning how to bring up our own children in the Lord, that they may stand firm and be preserved in this evil and adulterous generation, may become vessels of a proper humanity, and may become the material for the building up of the New Jerusalem — so that we are not faithless toward the Lord's commission.
The four points before were positive; but we must also know the enemy's schemes. The enemy is at this moment attacking the home — and his target is the young people, this generation of young people. Almost every new invention, every new gadget, is aimed at young people. Look — at the shop on the corner of our alley selling drinks, there are comic books to read; across the road there is a wine-house, drawing them in to drink in Sodom. Today's children — the gift they most love is a video-game console. As soon as they get into college, the best gift you can give them, the one that delights them most, is a multimedia computer. Oh! Today's world is overwhelming — the world is not only outside; it is inside our own home. The moment the multimedia computer comes in, the movie theatre comes in too — and especially: into a computer one can load eight-time-speed and twenty-time-speed disc drives; saints exchange their discs back and forth, and every kind of film is there. The merchants who sell discs — what do they put in the most prominent spot? Pornographic films. And on the internet there are also pages teaching how to tell fortunes, commune with demons, abuse alcohol, even make a bomb — all of this is on offer.
Now we are not like the Amish in America, those Christians who reject all new inventions, who use no electricity, no electrical appliances at all — we are not that. From the outside, neither the computer in itself nor television in itself is the world — yet where our heart is, that is what counts; this we must take seriously before the Lord. If our heart is captured by the television, then television becomes our world. The computer-and-internet itself is not necessarily evil; for example, the full-time brothers and sisters today have many doctrinal questions resolved through internet exchange. The books and letters of the church can now be conveniently copied between districts through the internet. When my sister-wife and I went to Russia recently, all our communication was by email. I myself use a computer; my second daughter uses the internet, because in her medical studies she needs much research material; but I told her: "Use it only for your coursework; only when you really need to. Don't, on any account, follow your curiosity — once you become curious, the enemy is given a foothold." Eve's fall was just because of curiosity.
The moment a person becomes curious, he loses the self-restraint he ought to have, and the enemy easily gains a foothold. In America there are many young people who get on the internet and stay up all night long; even with the door locked, the parents can do nothing. The result: they don't sleep at night, they don't go to school by day, they slowly start to make a strange noise — a sound like a wolf's howl. From the outside it is as though a wolf has risen up inside — what was a pure child has become a wolf-man. Young brothers and sisters, take care! The internet makes you lose self-restraint; it easily gives the enemy a foothold. Brothers and sisters, we must pray earnestly over this.
The code-name of the computer is "six-six-six" — this number, according to Revelation 13:18, is the code-name of antichrist. In the future, in the age of the antichrist when the internet finally comes to its end, the result is the production of the mark of antichrist. In the future a man will not need credit cards or anything else; just by his hand, his forehead being marked with a stamp, he will be linked into the network of mankind, and so will be subjected to the control of Satan. Mankind on earth, all who receive this mark of the antichrist, will be conformed to the antichrist's family; the antichrist will, through the network, control this generation that fights against the Christ we love. So, brothers and sisters, one false step on the internet may turn it into a road of death. Internet, one little slip, becomes Into-net — and you fall into the snare. Recently a film called "Caught in the Net" told us that a pure young woman working at a computer company was depicted by an internet company as an addict, a fornicator, a homosexual, a prostitute — utterly destroying a person's character. The enemy does not only want to destroy one person; he wants to destroy the whole world. Brothers and sisters, we must be vigilant in prayer for our children.
Today's world is not necessarily only the cinemas of the streets, nor only in the parks, nor only in the night-markets; it is not only in dives and dens; it may very well be in our homes — the enemy may be at work in our homes. If today's young people look like this, we cannot bear to imagine what comes next. There are car-racing youth, motorcycle-gang youth, lipstick brigades, drug-takers — and even worse, homosexuals. Today they will not even listen to the school, much less to anyone — at minimum they would number in the tens of thousands. Although the Department of Education has tried every means, hoping to bring them back to school, when one goes to visit them in their schools they say, "How could you ask me back? I am right now into the trial of the world's many tasty things — to make me return to school is just torment." These children, when they grow up, will all become problem people in society. Look at some recent cases: even in such a pure and simple Hakka township as Zhudong, there were thirteen youths who, just because a girl had borrowed a small thing from them, assaulted her to death. A few days ago, a car and a motorcycle brushed against each other slightly, and the whole motorcycle-gang came down to beat the car's driver, nearly beating him to death. All of this tells us that the enemy is poisoning the young people of this generation, poisoning them deeply.
Beloved brothers and sisters, our home has already become the battlefield of God and the enemy; we truly must be vigilant for our children at every moment, that we might not give the enemy a foothold. Don't think that as long as their studies are no problem, everything else is no problem. Don't think that just because they come home and don't talk, there is no problem either. Oh! There are too many problems now — we must look up to the Lord and pray daily for our children. For what the enemy has done today is too much, and very thorough — to the point where the children, for no good reason, become enemies of their parents; for no good reason, hate father and mother, saying that father and mother are partial. When small it was always "Daddy says" and "Mommy says"; once they enter school it becomes "the teacher says"; and now that they have grown a little, it becomes "my classmate says," "my companion says," "my friend says." The standing of father and mother in the home is gone. Now many young people skip class, run away from class, simply because they do not respect father and mother. This truly is a spiritual war. So beloved brothers and sisters, we must rise up together with the young people of this generation to fight, to seize back their hearts and minds, and let them all be subject to the Christ.
Thank the Lord! In the Scripture there are also many positive examples, showing us how they taught their children, that they might become vessels of honor — and these are all our beautiful encouragement.
II. How to Bring Up Our Children in the Lord
1. The children are the heritage entrusted to us by God; we must, with utmost seriousness, receive this glorious commission from God — Psa. 127:3.
Psa. 127:3 — Behold, children are the heritage of Jehovah, The fruit of the womb a reward.
2. Every child, the moment he is born, ought to be consecrated to the Lord; and through this, the whole household ought to have a renewed consecration — Rom. 12:1.
Rom. 12:1 — I exhort you therefore, brothers, through the compassions of God to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable service.
The children are the heritage entrusted to us by God; therefore we must with utmost seriousness receive this glorious commission from the Lord. The children, indeed, are ours; but from the Scripture's revelation we see — "children are the heritage of Jehovah." Psalm 127:3 says: "Behold, children are the heritage of Jehovah, The fruit of the womb a reward." From this we see — the children are the heritage given by God; we are no more than the stewards who manage them. We cannot take public funds and use them as our own — for one day this will be looked into, and we must render an account. The children are not our own private enterprise; so we cannot mould them however we wish, into whatever shape we feel like. The moment a child is born, we must offer him up — even praying together: "Lord, thank You for giving me this child. What hope do You have on him? What plan have You for him? Tell me, Lord, that according to Your heart's desire I may truly nurture this child." In the Old Testament, Samson's parents prayed to God: "God, thank You for giving us this child; teach us how to bring him up." The hair on Samson's head was set apart — only, sadly, he later went astray. Today as parents we must likewise pray to God: "Lord, teach us how to discipline our children." The best practice is, the moment the child is born, to bring him in arms before the Lord and consecrate him to the Lord: "Lord, what You have given me, I offer back to You afresh."
I beg the Lord's blood to cover me as I bear a small testimony — the moment my children were born, I held them in my arms before the Lord and consecrated them to Him. I said: "Lord, I do not ask for them prosperity in the world; I ask only that all their life they may love You with a pure heart — and that they may love You even more than my sister-wife and I do." Thank the Lord! Although I never asked for them worldly prospects, the studies of all of them have given us no anxiety; from elementary school all the way up to college they have come on smoothly. My son came to Linyuan Junior High; he is now in his second year, and in this election for the outstanding student representative, it would have been most unlikely for him to be selected, since we had only just moved up from Taichung; his elementary school years were all in Taichung, and he had only been here a year. Thank the Lord — because of the support of brothers and sisters, and the one-accord of the junior-high saints, even he was selected; it is God's mercy. We had never even thought to seek this. Whether selected or not, we would take him to pray together: "Lord, keep our hearts pure toward You; deliver us from deceit." Being selected — what does that count for? The most important thing in being selected is that the heart is pure toward the Lord — that is what matters most. Thank the Lord! I deeply hope that brothers and sisters, for their children, would have a consecration — and also would have prayer for them.
3. Pray daily for each child by name, that they may live their whole life in the Lord's grace — 1 Sam. 12:23.
1 Sam. 12:23 — Moreover as for me, far be it from me that I would sin against Jehovah by ceasing to pray for you, but I will instruct you in the good and right way.
Brothers and sisters, our home has truly become the battleground of spiritual warfare. Because the enemy uses every means, set on plundering our children, we must uphold them in prayer. Look — beside the school there is the video-arcade, the comic-book store… all the unsavory places. On the public telephones, many are the personal-ad lines for telephone-sex contacts; one careless step, and a child falls into the enemy's net. One incoming call is the call of the demon; one careless step on the internet and the enemy is given a foothold — truly, defence is impossible. So we must pray daily for our children — like Job, rising early in the morning to offer the burnt offering for our children. I feel this is a very fine practice — to take the children aside before they leave home, to pray well over them; the Lord surely keeps.
There was a sister whose husband often did business on the mainland. She would lead her three children, early in the morning, to read the Scripture — even telling them edifying stories and gospel stories. When they had finished reading, the whole family would pray: "Lord, send Your angels to protect us — to walk with us in all the road we travel." One day, when the three children were on their way to school, they passed beneath a high-rise of more than ten stories, where a worker high up was installing glass; he slipped, and a sheet of glass came sliding down, falling right toward the children. The children did not realize it — they were just plodding along. They only heard the worker shout, lifted their heads, and saw a sheet of glass whoosh! — past the tops of their heads, falling into the gutter beside them. Just a few centimeters from disaster — I deeply believe the angel of the Lord put up his hand and held that sheet of glass back from the children's heads. Thank the Lord — the Lord keeps. What may our children meet? We do not know. It is not by hard-hats that they are kept safe — we need to take them aside in prayer, that they may have a spiritual safety.
4. To bring up our children, we may not act on our own preferences, and even less may we lightly provoke our children to anger; we must nurture them in the discipline and admonition of the Lord. We must listen carefully to the voice from their depths, touch the feelings of their depths, in order well to use every opportunity to lead them into a deeper joining to Christ, a deeper experience of Christ — Eph. 6:4.
Eph. 6:4 — And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but nurture them in the discipline and admonition of the Lord.
To bring up our children we cannot rely on personal preference; we must lay aside the robe of dignity and step down from the throne of severity. As parents, the best thing is to be our children's friends — that there be no generation-gap between us and them; that they can whisper with us, can talk freely with us, can share their hearts with us. Don't say to the child the moment he gets home: "Why aren't you reading already? — what's all this television about?" — for inwardly the child will say: "Daddy can watch television; why can't I?" We must teach our children to open up willingly, to talk readily with us. I have three children of my own, and only now do I realize how truly difficult disciplining children is — preparing the message for this meeting was not difficult; managing my own children is the hard thing. Some things you cannot say to him face-to-face; some things, while he is in the middle of his upset feelings, he will not take in — and just then, what is needed is plenty of prayer.
Sometimes when I speak with my own children, I am even more nervous than when speaking with a brother — for with a brother I can exercise my spirit, can press through firmly, can use a little force. But with my own children, one really needs to take care. Once one of our children quarrelled with mommy. Daddy said: "How could you speak to mommy like that? Under heaven, no parents are ever in the wrong." What did the child say in reply? — "Under heaven, all parents are in the wrong; that is why heaven is in such an uproar!" This father heard it, and almost slapped him on the spot — only, having received a little check from the Holy Spirit, he held back. The Lord said: "Yes! Many parents under heaven are in the wrong, and that is why heaven is in such an uproar." When the father turned to pray, the child also realized he had spoken wrongly, and quickly went to apologize to mommy.
So, as parents, we cannot at every turn pull out parental majesty — and there is even a capacity the parent must have, namely, "to be able to bear up under the children's mistreatment." — Let me ask: "Is it that you mistreat your children more, or that the children mistreat you more?" We are mistreated more. What sort of book do children love to read? "Brain Twisters." Always not playing the cards by the rules, isn't that so? Reading those things twists the heart and mind; you tell them straight things, and they bring out crooked logic to take the straight thing apart. So sometimes when the children mistreat you, you must quickly learn to turn back into your spirit.
There was a sister who would daily send her child to remedial classes — this class, that class. One day the child would not listen; she gently disciplined him a little, and the child said: "Look at you, mother duck quacking again!" She said: "Why do you say I am a mother duck? Mommy has poured out her heart's blood on you; mommy has spent every dollar on you — and is it not all for your good?" The child answered: "How is it for our good? Isn't it for your own good — for your own face? You yourself never went to college; your younger sisters all went to college, and you just want to use us to get even — so you make us your punching bag." This is the child's gift — the gift of mistreating father and mother. But parents who have received grace must be able to bear it; we must say: "Lord, yes — because You on the cross also were mistreated by men; You have a life that has been mistreated; You are my pattern and my mould — I am willing to bear up under such mistreatment."
Sometimes when speaking with the children, a card is more effective than speaking face-to-face. Once a sister was going out to a meeting and told her children not to watch the television. When she came home, she found all three children were still watching it. In one breath she switched off the set and said: "I told you not to watch — why did you watch?" The other two slipped away; the second child was extremely indignant, because in just a few minutes the figure-skating competition was about to announce who came first — and mommy had switched it off! He could not get over it; but he could not argue with mommy either. The next day he wrote a letter, set it on the table for mommy, with the most emphatic places circled in red ink. While mommy was sweeping the room, she saw the letter, and was very angry — she nearly tore it up; but the Lord said, "First go and pray; afterwards, then read it carefully again." After praying, mommy also wrote a letter to her child, but written in a calm spirit. When the child came home and saw this letter, he repented before the Lord, confessed, and confessed also to mommy.
So, brothers and sisters, sometimes when the child is in his anger, whatever we say will not get through to him; rather, after we have prayed, having written a card, even just one sentence — that, much more easily, makes him think of becoming good. Brothers and sisters, we must all become friends to our children; the moment the child comes home from school he should be willing to tell daddy and mommy whatever happened — whether joyful, whether sad, whether thrilling, whether being mocked — all should be told to the parents. That family is the beautiful family; that child is the one thoroughly kept by the Lord. If a person is silent and never speaks, that is a warning sign — very easily the enemy gains a foothold. We must all have spiritual sensitivity — we must let the children's hearts open up to us; this kind of traffic can heal a hundred ills, can resolve all kinds of difficulties — problems will all naturally find a full solution. So we must all learn to listen attentively to the voice of our children.
5. Each week there ought to be a warm and sweet home meeting, that the whole family may be nourished, watered, and perfected in psalms and in the Lord's word — Col. 3:16; Prov. 9:10.
Col. 3:16 — Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to God.
Prov. 9:10 — The fear of Jehovah is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
Each week there ought to be a warm and sweet home meeting. Our living example, however good, is not as precious as the Lord's word; we ourselves can be a pattern, but only the Lord's word is the fountain of wisdom. Proverbs 9:10 says: "The fear of Jehovah is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." Thank the Lord! When children are taught the Lord's word from a young age, then whenever any situation arises at school, they know how to apply the Lord's word.
Once at school my son, being the class president, was handling a class matter, and the other students felt he had been unfair, accusing him of favoring the girls — in fact he was not partial. But the male classmates came at him aggressively. He quickly closed his eyes and called on the Lord; and the Lord gave him this word: "Do not contend with these men; only pray for them." When he had prayed in this way and opened his eyes again, those classmates who had originally been ready to start a fight, one by one, walked away — I deeply believe the Lord made them disperse.
We must bring our children to the Lord's word — that is, let one word of the Lord come into their hearts, and they will at once obtain the Lord's keeping. When we were in Taichung, on one occasion a great typhoon hit; one sister was at the window with her child, and saw that the roof of the house opposite was being torn off by the wind. The mother began to shake; the child's father had not yet returned from overseas. The child standing at her side said: "Mommy — the teacher told us, 'In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses every man's understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.'" [Note: the child paraphrases Phil. 4:6–7 from memory; the Chinese source uses 我們的 ("our"), but the verbatim RcV reads "your."] That the child said these few words was an extremely strong supply to this mother. The mother immediately received strength, took the child down on her knees together to pray — and the result was, the family was kept by the Lord.
So, brothers and sisters, even though we may not sing, the children now have learned musical instruments — let them perform, let them play, and the whole family can have a beautiful home meeting. At times reading the Scripture together, declaring the Lord's word together — these all fill the whole household with a spiritual atmosphere.
6. The children are a copy of the parents — we must take care of our own words and conduct, for living example outweighs verbal instruction: when parents love the Lord, the children spontaneously love the Lord; when parents love the world, the children spontaneously love the world; when parents pray with a pure heart, the children walk in the right way; when parents bicker and judge, the children become stubborn-and-rebellious. Whatever a man sows, this he will also reap; he who sows to the flesh will from the flesh reap corruption; he who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life — Gal. 6:7–8.
Gal. 6:7 — Do not be deceived: God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.
Gal. 6:8 — For he who sows unto his own flesh will reap corruption of the flesh, but he who sows unto the Spirit will of the Spirit reap eternal life.
The children are a copy of the parents — so we as parents must take care of our own words and conduct. Sometimes our own actions, in just one small careless moment, leave a deep impression upon the children. For example, once a brother came to our home for fellowship; because he had been wronged, his words were very fierce. My son heard him from his bedroom; after the brother left, my son came out and told my sister-wife: "Mommy — is there a bad person in the church too?" My sister-wife at that moment was alert in spirit and said: "No, no — there are no bad people in the church; it's just that there is unrest in the flesh in some men." All along, in disciplining our children we have been very careful; if brothers and sisters come to fellowship some matter of right and wrong, we make sure to ask them to go to another room. That one occasion, when our child carelessly heard, took great effort afterwards to explain clearly.
So, brothers and sisters, the children learn from their parents. My son, when he was small, would put on my leather shoes, my suit, and tie my necktie — and would come up to me and say: "Hello! Brother Lin!" He would say: "Yes, I am Brother Lin — only I am the little Brother Lin." He loved to imitate me — children copy easily. For a stretch of time, when we had bread-breaking in our home, the children would play "house-and-supper" beside us, with the grown-ups breaking bread. They imitate the parents very easily — so in our home we must bear up under being a good example. If we read the Scripture daily and pray daily, then whenever something happens our children spontaneously go to read the Scripture, go to pray. We must sow the seeds of the spiritual life into the children, that from a young age they may be cultivated in the climate of godliness.
7. Not only pay attention to the children's studies, but pay attention to their conduct, character, and how they treat people — for example, their respect toward parents, their love toward brothers and sisters, their courtesy toward relatives and friends, their diligence in family matters, etc. — Eph. 6:1; 1 Tim. 3:4; Prov. 22:6.
Eph. 6:1 — Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
1 Tim. 3:4 — One who manages well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity
Prov. 22:6 — Train up a child according to the way he should go; Even when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Don't think that as long as a child can read, all is well. His living, action, attitude, bearing, manner of treating people — all must be very carefully attended to. Don't say: "My child is just on the lively side." No! Parents who manage their children's deportment well will have children who are easy to manage. I have been to East Malaysia and seen parents bringing their children to the meeting; some children only a few years old could sit there and listen well — I was much moved. In Europe and America too, many children come to the meetings, sitting still, not at all like ours, who at times even at the meeting still wander about. From the time a child is very small, he must be given the impression: the house of God is not a wild place — he must learn to fear God, must not run about at random, must not crawl up and down, must not even bully others or take what is not his — not the slightest sense should be left unrebuked. We must not be loose — otherwise, what kind of impression are we leaving upon our own children? Some parents are themselves serious people; yet oddly they hardly manage their own children — letting them jump about, snatch, take whatever they want, as though they had not even seen. To be like that loses the due portion of being a parent.
How then is one to be a parent? Is it that, simply by giving birth, one is automatically a fit parent? — No: just because there is a piano at home, you do not become a pianist. To be a parent, every move and every word of the child must be well disciplined. We do not wish to bring up wild children; so we as parents all bear responsibility. From the time they are small, we must tell them: "When you come to the meeting, you must prepare to meet God; you must fear God. The house of God is not a place to make a riot, not a place to make a racket. Each time we come to the house of God, we are to receive God's blessing, to receive God's enjoyment, and to let God enjoy." These points — if from the time the children are small we discipline them well, then when they grow up they can become our joy and consolation.
8. Pay attention to the children's spiritual prospects above their earthly prospects; do not force the children to take part in too many talent classes and tutoring classes, lest their hearts drift further and further from the Lord; rather, encourage them to attend the church's children's class and the youth meeting — that they may, in the days of their youth, remember the Lord, love God all their lives, and be kept by the Lord — Eccl. 12:1.
Eccl. 12:1 — Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, I have no pleasure in them;
David gave his son the best heritage of all — God Himself. So we too would give our children the inheritance that no one can ever take away: the Triune God. Just as long as a child, first, loves God with a pure heart — yearning after God; second, strives earnestly in his studies, finishing them — as far as he can read, we cultivate him there. If he can read on to a doctorate, do not keep him merely at a master's; if he can read on to a master's, do not keep him merely at a bachelor's; if he can go on to university, do not keep him merely at the high-school level. Boy or girl, there should be no difference; we ought to do all we can to develop them all. Third, learn to live and behave normally — his living, his manner of treating people, his bearing, his attitude must all be normal. In this way, all his life he will be kept by the Lord; he will love God, will faithfully gather to the meetings. We may not be able to watch over a child for his whole life — but the Triune God will lead him to walk all his life on the road of life.
There is a saying in society today: "Don't let your children lose at the starting line." This saying has misled many. We must tell the child: "To be inferior to others in studies is no shame; but not to know God is the shame, and to sin is the shame." Don't ever let the child think it is enough to climb up onto someone else's head; don't ever teach a child to step on someone else's head to advance. Bright when small does not guarantee good when grown; sometimes when a child is still small he speaks well, presents himself well — but when grown he is not necessarily fine.
A certain brother testified that his child had usually ranked first or second in class; one day he suddenly slipped to fifth place. The child was on the phone with a classmate and said: "I'm going to grab back the second place." The brother, listening at the side, said: "How can you talk about grabbing?" The child said: "All my classmates say it that way." The classmates may say so — our children cannot say so. To rank first or second is no big matter; what matters is a heart that fears God. From the time he is small, the child must be told to fear God. If by entering a good school the child ends up far from God, it is better to attend an ordinary school but be the more able to serve God. Thank the Lord! Not every child must study at the highest university; every one should be at home in the homes of brothers and sisters, every one can become a vessel of honor for God. God values our heart toward Him above our outward studies. Do not teach a child to beat someone down from a young age; rather, from a young age, charge him to fear God.
Therefore, do not enroll the child in too many talent classes. Children cannot all be the "ten-skill all-rounders" we imagine: taekwondo, ballet, computer, abacus, Mandarin diction, piano — no child is skilled at all ten. No wonder one child said: "My daddy attends just one class; I, in one week, must attend five." For talent classes, one or two is enough. Too many, and what is broadly known is shallowly grasped — likely no real use. Know where the child's interest lies; teach him according to his strength and gift — that is enough. But there is one class the child cannot miss: from a young age, let him into the children's class; when grown, let him continue in the youth life-perfecting class to be perfected. Our door to you all is open.
Some parents say: "On the Lord's Day my child must study, so he can't come to the meeting." Brothers and sisters — this reasoning is wrong! If you do not bring the child to the meeting on the Lord's Day, in the future he will never come to the meeting. Whatever happens, on the Lord's Day, we must set them apart — give the Lord's Day to the Lord, and at all other times the Lord blesses you. We must honor the Lord above all; we must absolutely separate the Lord's Day. May the precious blood of the Lord cover me as I say — my two daughters, from elementary school all the way through college, never once missed a Lord's Day meeting. Apart from when the school had scheduled mock-exams, or some whole-school activity that could not be skipped, from the time they were small until they grew up, they never missed a Lord's Day meeting — and they never even missed a small group meeting. This is a testimony we can give; it is the Lord's special compassion.
Brothers and sisters, we must regard their spiritual prospects above their earthly prospects; we must charge them to love the Lord with a pure heart all their life. As long as they can live in the house of God — that is the parents' greatest consolation. May the Lord bless us!
— End of Message Three —